Well, I simply do not know where to begin when it comes to this episode, but I might be able to manage a few things. Are you ready for it? Tighten those seats belts because you may or may not be in for one hell of a ride. It depends on if you like my snark and sense of humor or not. I think I will start with the stuff that I found to be a snooze-fest and these will be in no-particular order.
Andy Porn on Facebook
There was a picture of Andy’s ass(ets) posted on Facebook by Holly’s teenage brats and this lead to a conversation about the two of them ‘going steady’. Now, come on you know it was important that we know this bit of information! HAHA. I know you could care less…NEXT!
The case of the missing were/V addict Debbie Pelt
Who cares? I know I don’t….NEXT!
The Tao of Terry
Why did I even bother giving it a title? Well,Terry deserved something good so it might as well be a great title. Poor Terry Belfleur cannot get a great story-line even if his life depended on it. I think this is a down-right shame as Todd Lowe is a great actor and could do so much with the character he portrays. It is really painful to watch anything involving Terry as the story-line makes no sense to me at the moment but hey maybe it will get better. As it stands right now, it is B-O-R-I-N-G! Moving on!
Arlene, just shut up okay! Okay! Enough said. Can you tell I am not a fan of Arlene?
Jessica Smells a Fairy
Jessica smells Claude in a little boutique aptly named ‘Tracey’s Togs’. She chases after him like on girl on a mission or a girl high on a fairy trying to get a fix and tracks his scent to a clearing (can you say another portal? Rolls eyes). She gets frustrated because she can’t get her ‘fang on’ and play with him. I am so over her spoiled character and her ‘daddy’ comments. She redeems herself (somewhat) later in this episode (which I will get into later elsewhere) but not enough for me to like her.
Bill has a heart? Bite your tongue Salome!
I could have done without these following scenes but I will admit to them being a little amusing. Salome takes Bill on a ‘hot date’ in what I consider to be either a dark and dank basement or a subway tunnel. How romantic!
She skillfully feeds his ego by telling him that he has a heart and wants to help him. If Bill has a heart, I think he needs to be going ‘Off to see the Wizard’ to receive a new one. Just saying! How can he prove himself to her? Well by having sex against the basement/subway wall ala Nora and Eric but it does not have quite the same effect if you know what I mean? I am sure you do! As it turns out, Bill was much easier for her to manipulate than Eric (which I will get to in a minute) but it is not because he has a heart. It was simply because she fed his ego and he might have actually thought he gained an ally. The master manipulator got played and it was a thing of beauty. He really should not be bragging about Eric getting his sloppy seconds.
The Viking is having none of it
Miss Salome was very busy in this episode as she moved on to the seduction of the Viking. I think she found that manipulating the Sheriff of Area 5 was not as easy as manipulating Bill. She had to take a different tact with him and even then it did not work as he had her number. Eric: “Are you lonely? Is this how you make friends?” Eric was no fool, he knew what she was up to and he played her game. Plus, he got some sex out of it. He was not at all surprised that Bill had sex with her as well. The Viking is no idiot. Salome, you will have to get up a little earlier in the evening to get one up on Mr.Northman. Just saying!
Never mind that Eric knew she was up to something, it is still:
If that was not enough, after Salome was done with both Bill and Eric, she gets it on again but with Roman this time. She clearly has some major stamina, well she is a vampire after all!
Now for a story-line I am not sure how I feel about yet, it all depends on where it goes!
Oh no, not the GUMBO!
After getting an earful from the nagging Arlene, Lafayette pours a whole bottle of bleach in the gumbo! Back away from the Gumbo Lafayette or I will sick Pam on you! Don’t mess with the Gumbo!
Alas, we soon find out that it is the freaking demon inside our La La that makes him do it and he comes to his senses and pours the gumbo down the drain! Shew! That was a damn close call! I will keep mum on this plot until I see where it is going.
Now on to the things I really liked/loved in this episode.
Hot for teacher…..15 years later!
Jason slept with his old high-school teacher who taught him all he knows and then immediately had regrets. Jason feels ashamed and won’t have sex with Jessica when she comes over with a fang-hard-on, wanting to party after smelling a fairy. Speaking of which you would think she never smelled a fairy before….Sookie anyone!? I digress.
Jason had one of the best lines in this episode with his comment of “I’m not some mechanical bull you can come and ride on every time you feel like it” WAY TO GO BOI! It’s about damn time Stackhouse, about damn time! Finally, at least something came out of that God-awful rape scene from season 4. Granted, the ‘something’ I wanted to happen and what Alan Ball wanted to happen are two different things. I won’t go there again as I have already been down that road. I can and will give credit where credit is so I will say that Jessica stepped up to the plate and acted as a true friend should, instead of the spoiled little brat that she normally is. I don’t know how long this will last though. Lord knows Jason could use one right now.
My favorite line of the episode goes to a newbie character and it belongs to Nora (yes she beat Jason lol), let’s give her some applause shall we for this little gem:
The new Nan Flanagan-Steve Newlin
I think most everyone thought that Steve would be the new Nan so it really was no surprise that this turned out to be true. I love how Steve tries to spin his normal preaching manner to Roman, who was not having any of it. It was funny to see him squirm a bit under Roman’s fierce stare. I cannot wait to see more of Vampire Steve in action with his new lot in life for he is a real treat and born for this!
Sookie’s microwave ‘fingers of fail’ actually worked!
I love how Sookie FINALLY used her fae power to fling Pam across the room, not happy that it was Pam but so glad that she finally used her powers without being upset or angry. I cannot stress the term ‘FINALLY’ enough but let’s hope this stays the course.
There an App for that…don’t ya know? iStakes anyone?!
The Authority has outfitted Eric and Bill with a contraption that will automatically stake then in the heart should they do anything wrong, especially attempt to remove them and is controlled by just the push of a button on a cell phone. One cannot accuse the Authority of not being up on technology.
The Authority, the Vampire Bible and their agenda.
While I am not altogether sure where this Authority plot is going, I am willing to give it a chance. So I am not in love with it yet but I did not hate it, which is why I am posting it with things I liked/loved. Of course, that chance can only go so far, if it turns out to be a big boring snooze-fest I will let it be known big time. The reason I am not keen on this particular plot is due to massive inconsistencies where the Authority is concerned.
I am just not understanding Roman’s motivations for he is basically going against what is in the Vampire Bible to live among humans and do this so-called main-streaming. He has to have an agenda too and an actual plan. His sole purpose cannot be to live among humans in peace and harmony. B-O-R-I-N-G! I need something more than the Sanguinistas are against the Authority’s main agenda to mainstream and they want to adhere to the Vampire Bible. If True Blood makes it to where this is their only agenda then that is not satisfying enough for me. The show needs a constant villain for the humans and the Authority would fit that bill perfectly. It is of my opinion that the Authority was up to no good based on everything we have learned about them in the previous seasons so this whole mainstreaming agenda seems a little hard to believe. I am still thinking this is all merely a facade. I guess we will have to wait and see. For me, the jury is still out on the Authority and I dare them to try to put one of those iStake contraptions on me!
Eric knocks Bill down a peg or two
My favorite part of the episode was the fact that a number of us called this moment: the moment when Bill and Lorena were draining one of Pam’s prostitutes! It was priceless. Eric, after having saved Pam from a knife-wielding maniac in the previous episode, stopped by her brothel to sample the ware’s and not just anyone’s either, but Pam’s. He was pretty intrigued by her. She normally does not compete with the merchandise and Eric tells her that “a good customer knows that everything has its price”. Pam recalls all the dead prostitutes in her brothel and accepts what the Viking has to offer in exchange for ridding her of the murderers in her midst! Guess who those murderers were? None other than Lorena and her ‘bloody’ sidekick Bill Compton. I know I was not surprised.
Now we know why Eric and Pam were so mistrusting of Bill’s claim of main-streaming.Eric throws Lorena against the wall and Bill comes to her rescue and actually attempted to stake Eric. H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!
Bill: “Who are you?” (Except he tried to say it all menacing and shit) Thanks Thomas Galvin for the inspiration!
Eric: “Eric Northman, but to you the True Death” (Except he did say it all menacing and shit)
Lorena, after stopping Bill from attacking Eric further, explains that Bill is young still (even though he was sixty vamp years old by that time) and basically cannot control himself. Eric sees that he is strong and is a promising vampire so he lets him live but Lorena better keep him in line and teach him how to respect his elders. Now, we all now that is two things that never happened as Lorena loved the ‘killing for sport’ and the ‘Mendacious’ Mr. Compton has never had any respect for his elders or humans at any time in his life, it all just a facade to his character. Lorena was told she should be apologizing to the lady and Pam also wanted 500.00 dollars for every lady they drained. Eric looked like a proud papa!
I am going to go off on a small tangent for one brief moment to say that we are given little tidbits like “Bill is the one with a heart and his humanity intact” while “Eric lacks heart and his humanity” but yet that is not what we see on the TV screen. We see Eric as the one with humanity and a heart in respect to Pam and Sookie, in most instances and Bill is the one with the careless regard for human life. Is True Blood a walking, talking contradiction? What are they playing at? Moving on!
When Eric turned Pam
I loved all the flashback scenes between Eric and Pam before he made her.It was one of the best flashback scenes I have seen in a while. It showed the amount of humanity Eric had for humans as well as serving to remind Pam that being a maker is a huge responsibility.She asks him to turn her in order to give her a life worth living. Eric says she does not know what she is asking and that if she knew what kind of responsibility it was to become a maker, she would not ask. She says, “so make me and leave me; I can take care of myself as I always have”.
Eric: “Would you toss a newborn baby in a gutter? Abandoning a new vampire is no different”
Pam gets upset and starts crying while Eric is getting dressed and it turns out that she is cutting her arms. When she turns around and Eric sees the blood, he asks her “What did you do Pamela?”
Pam:“Let me walk the earth with you Mr.Northman or watch me die”
His fangs come out and he rushes to her and the rest is history. Seeing as I am a bookie through and through, I was on the fence in how I felt about this but after watching it over again, it go with the essence of TB Pam as it was clear she was not happy with her lot in life and wanted a new one! I am okay with it but other things that happened on the show, not so much.
Tara can see clearly now….the sun is gone!
It’s gonna be a bright sunshiny day, oh hell scratch that, she is a vampire now so no more sun for her. The only UV rays she will ever see again will be from the inside of a tanning bed but I am getting ahead of myself where Tara the newborn is concerned. She is not too happy about being a vampire and she is hungry to boot. She ran away from two people that she will never forgive for turning her into a monster. Of course they run after her, silly kids, like they can catch a vampire!
I actually found myself feeling sorry for Tara in this episode because the two people she trusted most in the world betrayed her and she is starving and all alone in this new life. She almost bites a lady on the side of the road and is able to stop herself which is amazing because she is only a day old. For this reason and many others, hearing the “Bill was weak because he was weak and could not help himself” when he nearly drained Sookie will never fly with me. Tara goes to Sam for help and at Merlotte’s, she drinks a ton of True Blood and promptly passes out close to sunrise. Sam sticks her in the freezer. When it is time for her to rise, she tells everyone it is taking all she has not to eat them all and she leaves before she does just that. She breaks into the local tanning salon and proceeds to give herself the ‘True Death’ via a tanning bed.
Pam: “Stupid Bitch” LMAO! *End of Episode*
Well, that is enough of my long-winded thoughts. Tell us what you though of the episode! Don’t hold anything back!
*some screencaps courtesy of skarsgardfans and the rest by me*