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April Fool’s: True Blood Style

AF

Since  April Fool’s Day is upon us – we would like to present you with the Ten Plots on True Blood that should have been considered April Fool’s jokes…on us, the FANS!!

Which plots were total and complete jokes? Read on!

Nymerias and I came up with the reasons why these jokes in particular – weren’t very funny to us.

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Maryann – The Kinky Maenad

From serving heart casseroles to hosting backyard orgies…Maryann was the perfect excuse for a sick and perverted joke. She controlled the minds of almost everyone in Bon Temps and made them do things they normally wouldn’t ever do – like cutting off their own fingers with garden shears. A home decorator she was not…it took Sookie how long to get her house back to normal? She wasn’t all bad…she was the first person who sparked Sookie’s fairy anger and we discovered that Sookie wasn’t just a telepath afterall. Most fans hated this storyline, and by the time Maryann tried marrying herself to her raging bull oops, God (who was really Sam in the shape of a white bull), we were more than ready to help see her packing on a permanent honeymoon away from Bon Temps.

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Ifrit – The Smoke Monster

Truebies who were fans of “Lost” felt a sense of déjà vu when True Blood decided to have a smoke monster too. Ifrit was what they decided to call it…what kind of name was that? This smoke monster was out for revenge on Terry and his army buddies who were involved in the killing of civilians during the war in Iraq. We felt bad for Terry, but the joke ended up being not only on us – but on his buddy Patrick, who kindly sacrificed his own life in order to save not only Terry and Arlene – but us as well from this hazy joke.

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Festival of Tolerance

In an effort to appear politically correct, King Bill tried convincing the public that vampires really weren’t as bad as humans thought; aka – damage control. Unfortunately for them (and for us), Marnie and her newly brainwashed lethal weapon, Amnesic Eric crashed the party. Why was this a cruel joke? Because it was hard to believe that our favorite Viking vampire, Eric Northman could be controlled by anybody – let alone a witch. The other joke on us was when Eric was this close to killing Bill (something most of us wanted), when Sookie didn’t even think first before using her microwave fingers and shot Eric. He could’ve been killed for all we know! The only bright side to this scene was when Eric flashbacked to his life, in a ‘Best of True Blood’ highlight reel…to reveal he remembered everything that happened before – including falling in love with and having passionate, multi-positioned sex with Sookie.

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The Billith Rises

This shouldn’t surprise any of you…of course Billith (formerly known as Bill Compton) made this list. Bill would have made this list regardless, because he’s well…Bill. After drinking Lillith’s blood (aka. Kool Aid) and saying some harsh, painful – but truthful words to Sookie where he revealed what a douche bag he is…he turned into goo. Now comes the punch line…he rose up naked, covered in blood, screeching like a pterodactyl and looking like a giant bloody tampon! Haha…get it? He really should have stayed goo…that’s why this joke’s on us instead. Damn. When most of the fandom; including True Blood HBO have a nickname picked out for him mere hours after the season finale ended…you know this is the perfect True Blood styled joke. Hopefully, someone will shove this tampon up where the sun don’t shine in season 6, or will this end up being another sick and twisted joke as well? Time will tell…

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Sookie’s Finale Brushoff

We probably still think this one is the biggest, most cruel and stupidest jokes of all time on True Blood. At least, I don’t think too many of us around here think this one is funny. After spending most of season 4 falling in love with Eric, Sookie realized (thanks to having some of Bill’s blood), she suddenly still loved Bill, even though he is the lowest creep imaginable. WTF? Where’s the punchline? I don’t get it. Eric told her he still remembered. He was still the same man and wanted to know if she loved him? Yes, she answered…BUT (this word is the most annoying word as you may recall) she still loved Bill. REALLY? Why? After finding out how he betrayed her and discovering how great, sweet and awesome Eric is…she STILL loves Bill? We can take some comfort in the fact that she didn’t choose Bill either…she choose herself, which I do admire Sookie for deciding not to rely on any man – but after everything Eric has ever done for her – she still tossed his feelings back in his face. I felt really bad for Eric. It was no wonder in season 5, he started off the season saying, “Fuck Sookie”. This scene does have one punchline we can appreciate. You know those magazine articles where they compare fashions and ask, “who wore it best?” With Eric and Bill’s matching robes in this scene…you really can compare the two of them. We’d have to say…Eric won this one – hand’s down. Bill looks like a joke compared to him.

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MARNIE AKA THE WITCH THAT NEVER WAS A WITCH
When I first heard of this storyline, I thought ‘oh this could be good’ but it turned out to be much ado about nothing. When Marnie became possessed by a Spanish speaking witch that was raped, fed on and burned by members of the Catholic Church (vampires no less), I thought this is it? This is the season 4 big bad! What a joke! No offense, Fiona Shaw! MUAH! NEXT!

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The(SUPPOSED)FAIRY (MORE LIKE CHILD)ELDER
This fairy was supposed to be all-knowing and powerful but all she really did was talk in riddles and dance around like a fruitcake! Russell sent her packing into fairy dust before she could whip out her ‘White Fairy Light of Doom’ fast enough! Bye Coco from Fame!! The joke was definitely on us here! I was left with more questions than answers. NEXT!!

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THE LAND OF THE LOST AKA FAIRYLAND
When we first saw Sookie get transported to the land of the fairies via the portal that was Claudine, we assumed it would be magical and beautiful and it was as long as you continued to partake of the light fruit! I was hoping it would stay that way for a bit but no what we got was an actual scene straight out of ‘Land of the Lost’
. NEXT!

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THE FAILED CHANGE AND RAPE OF JASON
This was by far one of the worst things I have ever seen on True Blood and that is saying something. I not only thought it was one big joke but that it was not taken as seriously as it should have been. I was really offended by this scene as Jason did not deserve it and to top it all off , he did not even become a werepanther!

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BILL/SOOKIE HATE SEX
Along with what happened to Jason, this really took the cake for me too! Sookie, after nearly being drained of all her blood by Bill, goes and has sex with the animal. I know this is a TV show but no respectful woman does this, IMO. Oh, how our eyes had to endure this scene! Again,the joke was on us!!

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Hope you enjoyed reading what we think was our April Fool’s: True Blood Style jokes. What do you think? Do you have any others you’d like to share? Feel free to sound off below!

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About Erika

The owner/administrator of Eric & Sookie Lovers, a writer, blogger and avid reader. Favorite shows and books include; True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, Sons of Anarchy, the Black Dagger Brotherhood, the Night Huntress series, Once Upon A Time, Vikings and Game of Thrones. Motto is: KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid)! Most people tell me I have a way with words. My second language is "sarcasm". Hope you enjoy your visit!

28 comments on “April Fool’s: True Blood Style

  1. Yep, you nailed it, some of the worst most disgusting scenes the show has ever had. I definitely felt like I was being punked during some of them. Others to add to the list are when Bill nearly twisted Lorena’s head off during sex, the gross almost threesome dream, and the shower scene that gave us a trip to Narnia instead of being anything remotely like the book.

    • yes the head twisting sex was disgusting and not needed at all! I must have blocked out the threesome dream….lol!

    • Oh yes…those too. We wanted to keep the list down to only 10, but we had so many we could have used. LOL Another one of mine is when Bill saved Sookie from Longshadow in season 1 and another is Roman dying so early in season 5. LOL

      • I was going to suggest Roman, they made him out to be this huge bad ass and then he dies so easily. But seeing as how his character turned out to be lame, I didn’t care about his death.

  2. Yep, you nailed it. Pretty much everything from S4 on. I feel like TB should pull a Dallas and be like, nope it was all a dream.

  3. Ah and Bill’s face interrupting Eric & Sookie’s first time in the woods…. arghhhhh

  4. April Fool – we got all that information about Bill’s life as a vampire; how Lorena found him and turned him during the war, how he drove his wife into madness by turning up after she thought he was dead, how Lorena and Bill ran amok picking and killing people willy – nilly and being coaxed into the Authority as a punked out – eyeliner wearing Bill, even bumping into our own Eric and Pamela in 1901 San Francisco (Eric should have given him the true death then) – but when it came to Eric – we only got flashbacks of the time Godric made him, their hunt for the Nazi werewolves, and Eric meeting the beguililng madam Pam and rather than letting her die, he turns her – but where are all the other Eric flashbacks – he is 1,000 years old – why does Bill get 10x more flashbacks than Eric, I want to know about his life after Godric, when Godric turned Nora and when he and Pam were ‘ya know “feeding and f@$@ing” around the world, I want to know about that shit hole farm in Urland and the rest of his hot and sexy vampire “life”. Why do they tease us so much when it comes to our beloved Viking?

  5. I can’t believe you left the meat tree and the GIANT egg out of MaryAnn’s entry. I think the writers were just leaving the wildest crap they could come up with to screw with the writer of the next episode. There was half of season two that was actually good but it wasn’t this half. This half was animal house without the humor.

    • LOL! Yeah…I didn’t want to get into too much detail when writing Maryann’s entry…I’m sure everyone remembers what all happened. *shudders* But yes, the rest of the season wasn’t too bad. :)

      You’re probably right when it comes to the writers screwing each other over…they’re still doing it. LOL

      • For reasons that I can’t even contemplate right now, the 2nd season is actually my favorite, but the Maryann crap I definitely could have done without.

  6. OK, I didn’t need the Maenad’s storyline,nor her helpers,or HOT SHOT, or the
    Authority Storyline,Lilith,Salome,Bilith,OR Sam’s biologicial family line.
    Didn’t need Uncle Bartlett~though it did explain Sookie’s being so childlike.
    Didn’t need Tara’s mom’s BS~wish Tara could have stood on her own two feet more.
    Would have loved more of Nora & Eric’s story~and when was she made?
    Would love more of Eric & Pamela’s story~LOVED 1901 Flashback!!!
    Didn’t really need to see the Fairy Storyline that looked like an
    “I can’t beleive it’s not butter commercial”
    The lady who played Claudine was miscast~She looked nothing like the books
    described her~same for Debbie Pelt. Wrong actress hired for the role.

    Bad choice to bring back Sheriff Dearborne~AND his crazy bed mate!!!
    DIDN”T need her storyline.
    Same goes for MARNIE & Witches~would have liked it more if story resembled
    the books~ONLY part of this storyline I LOVED WAS ERIC & SOOKIE.

  7. Erika, I just loved your list and as everyone has said, there could have been many more additions to it!!! After reading the article, I do feel sad to think that True Blood could have been such a wonderful show. It showed so much promise in the first season and then season 2 when Maryanne showed up is when I started to say that the show had “jumped the shark” (and the storylines themselves went down the toliet). As I have said 1,000 times before, the only reason I still watch the show is for our gloriously handsome Viking. Other than that, thats’ the only reason I am still watching the show at all.

    • Whoever runs the Lafayette fan page in Facebook posted an April Fool’s joke that this is Alex’s last season, very clever using him because everyone knows he’s the only reason most of us still watch. But honestly, if the show gets a 7th season, that would be a miracle.

      • Tammy it will get a 7th season …..the ratings are still better than most shows on HBO so it will stay on as long as the cast wants to do it. Even as horrible as season 5 was it was one it was either HBO highest rated show or its second highest rated. Unfortunately that doesn’t mean the writing will be better for the show…..

    • I totally agree with you redthang914, and have stated it before. This show could have been the best show on television if they would have stuck with the story lines from the wonderful books that CH wrote. But Ballsack has a big head and thinks that everything he touches turns to gold. He changed every thing to try and fit Moyer in as the hero. They throw all the above mentioned shit at us to try and get us to focus on the stupid, thinking we wouldn’t notice. This season is another reason to hope that they will try and right this sinking ship. However after reading about all the casting calls and the changes going on behind the scenes I have my doubts. So I will watch each episode while holding my nose and crossing my fingers and hoping that someone at HBO has seen the light and demands some changes.

  8. It’s pretty bad when I get embarassed watching this with my husband, not because of the sex scenes (I don’t remember the S/B hate sex.), but because of the sucky subplots.

  9. Reblogged this on isismama and commented:
    Ha Ha…not funny.

  10. All of these were a joke indeed, but my top one would’ve been the much anticipated shower scene turned into a drug-induced romp through Narnia! I can’t believe Anna and Alex were even able to film it without laughing their @sses off the whole time!

  11. [...] you know, it was April Fool’s Day on April 1st! We thought it would be fun to come up with 10 True Blood storylines we think should have been April Fool’s jokes on us…the fans! We know there are many [...]

  12. Good list. For me, it was Sookie NOT taking Eric up on his 4th season offer to just leave Bon Temps and start over the two of them. You’d think she would have had quite enough supernatural threats, but I guess that’s the moment we knew how hung up on Bill she still was, that she insisted on staying to fight with him. He says “I just want to be with you forever” and she says “there’s no such thing as forever.” If a man like that said that to me, that’s NOT the response he would have gotten. Jessica and Hoyt break up (still TERRBILY sad) and what they did to the nicest guy on the show, making him nasty and pathetic, the death of Jesus (still sad), Lafayette deserved some happiness. I still don’t like the whole Tara is a vampire thing, we’;re running out of plain old humans, and her hating vampires was her thing. I loved her and Pam, but it still bugs me. I think ultimately that will turn out to be a mistake. When no one is “normal” the audience has no one to identify with. And I think it would have been cool to learn about Faery, not ten seconds of it looking like the desert. I didn’t like that violent sex you mention either, but that’s more of a “to each her own” kind of thing.

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